Dude.

Details on my trip later but it was fantastic. Even with the tornado warning and insane hail storm (which we spent cowering in a car under a bridge), it was an amazing trip. But I will talk about that another time.
Right now, I'm focused on the fact that I am growing older by the day. I realize that I am still young and that 90% of my friends are older than I am. This means most of you have already gone through this. Let me start by saying that I have no problems with my age, know I am extremely young and look forward to growing older. That said, it's a crazy f'ing day when you realize that the JC Penney commercial mimicking the Breakfast Club is not aimed at the children, but at the moms...who are your age.
W. T. F.
It is NOT okay to use 80s movies.
This coupled with the fact that damn near every girl I played volleyball with in high school is now married, some with babies...well, that just seals the deal.
Thanks to ad agencies everywhere and Facebook for making me realize I have officially entered mom age.

With love from New Hampshire

AmyD posted this and I enjoyed reading it so figured I'd post it as well. I'm sittin on the couch in New Hampshire with the Hub (it's way past the Suz's bedtime), watching Friends and teaching him all about how to waste time on Facebook. Enjoy!

1) In five words, explain what ended your last friendship?
Bitches are fucking cah razy.

2) How was your prom night?
Really fun! I didn't get to stay for all of the post-partying, however, because I had volleyball regionals the next day and had to get up at 5. I got about three hours of sleep.

3) Do you have any famous relatives?
Define famous.

4) Have you taken out loans to pay for college?
Yes. Paid off the college loans a few years ago. And am now racking up unbelievable amounts in grad school. Awesome.

5) What did you receive last in the mail?
Probably bills.

6) What beverages have you drank today?
Water, coffee, V-8, and vodka mixed with (wait for it) Ovaltine. Yeah. We were craving white russians or mudslides. Didn't have the ingredients. Got creative. We're awesome.

7) Do you leave nasty messages on people’s answering machines?
Um, I hope not. Probably have when I was drunk or mid-breakup.

8 ) What’s the most painful surgical procedure you’ve had done?
Wisdom teeth. I have a high tolerance for novocaine apparently and he started cutting before I was numb. I was sleepy from the other stuff but perked up and grunted when I felt the pain. So he shot me full of more novocaine and it was all good. Until he had to break the last one. And the sound and pressure woke me up. I heart Vicodin.

9) What is out your back door?
A hallway.

10) Do you usually go out on the weekends?
Nope. I'm a homebody for the most part. I probably go out about once a month. Maybe.

11) Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
Sure. Until I have to wash and comb through it.

12) Have you ever visited a planetarium or do you even know what one is?
Yes and yes.

13) What is your favorite flavor of pudding?
Chocolate I suppose. Not a huge pudding connoisseur.

14) Describe your keychains:
Better yet...

15) Where do you keep your change?
A little tin bank that's shaped like a gingerbread house. And in the bottom of every single bag I own. My wallet change purse opens a lot.

16) When was the last time you got up and spoke in front of a large crowd?
Presentation in class this past semester. Not a large crowd but I still get anxious.

17) What kind of winter coat do you have?
A black bubble jacket I bought for New York. It was my pretty much first winter coat as an adult.

18) What was the weather like on your graduation day?
Probably hot, humid and miserable since it was August in Florida. But the ceremony was indoors. I do remember my high school graduation being absolutely perfect weather though. God, I miss Cali.

19) Do you sleep with the door to your bedroom open or closed?
Open. I don't like stuffy.

20) Is there anything purple within 20 feet of you?
The cover of the Friends DVD. I had to enlist the Hub on that one to search with me.

21) What is the strangest thing you’ve put in the microwave?
Ice cream.

22) Can you speak any Japanese?
I used to be able to count to ten thanks to the ju jitsu coach guy in middle school.

23) Do you look good in the color yellow?
Yes. I don't wear it often enough.

24) Do you spit or smoke?
When drunk.

25) What is your favorite color(s)?
Blue. Yellow.

26) Ever played an instrument?
I played the piano for years. Trying to teach myself how to play the guitar but never stick with it long enough to actually be any good.

27) Do you believe in Bigfoot, or Sasquatch?
Um, no but I did enjoy the movie Harry and the Hendersons.

20) Ever been to a palm reader?
I think so at a party or something. Don't really remember.

29) Did they tell you the truth about your future?
I highly doubt it.

30) What are you thinking about at this very moment?
Friends entertains me. I'm a simple girl.

31) Have you ever received a black eye?
Yes. From a misquito. True story and I have the pictures to prove it.

32) What is your biggest current disappointment?
Oh let's not even go there tonight.

33) What are some of your favorite drinks?
Water, red wine, martinis

34) Do you have anything that hurts on your body at this time?
Let's not go there either...I'm content right now.

35) Have you ever ridden in a taxi?
Yes.

36) What is the last alcoholic drink you had?
The martini I had at dinner. Slightly dirty, three olives.

37) Did you do anything special last night?
Dinner with Suz and Hub, which included two bottles of wine. And then apparently Hub and I thought a shot of tequila would be an excellent idea. Then our three drunk asses proceeded to play Rock Band for about four hours. Literally. That shit is FUN!!!! And I get to live out my rock star fantasies. I love the drums. And suck at guitar.

38) What is your very favorite food?
Pizza. And my mom's mac and cheese. Ok, I could do this forever. I heart food.

YAY!

After a crappy last week (which was entirely self-induced but is now being blamed on PMS), I drove to the folks' on Friday. I should have gone two days earlier but was convinced I would snap out of my funk and commence being productive. Ha.
Three days with the Rents and an afternoon of splashing in the pool with my munchkin = free therapy, people. I am tan, happy, and best of all...packing to go see the Suz!!
It's been too long. I am SO looking forward to four days with my friend, the Hub and, of course, the Mazerbutt, Princess of Puppydom. Seriously. I wish I could express how lovely it's going to be. Wine. Scrabble. Friend. Theater. Wine. Friend. YAAAAY!!!!!

Thinly veiled avoidance

Yet another post in the midst of the shitstorm that is the past couple of days. I'm really over school. Like really, truly need a goshdamn break from this bullshit. I should have used this summer to head home and get a job but then again, there are valid reasons why I stayed here. Just having a hard time remembering those when trying to memorize my oral argument for this stupid appellate brief that I have to give in 30 minutes. Don't wanna. Granted, it's in front of just my professor but in some ways that's more scary. Especially since I actually respect him and don't want him to think I'm a raging dumbass.
Also, since my back decided to spaz the fuck out yesterday, I didn't get nearly enough work done so am not trying to cram it in the next 20 minutes. Awesome.
Anyhoo. Instead of memorizing, I'm typing this. In the hopes it gets my brain juices flowing. Or something.
The boy from the last post, who incidentally was also from last summer - I'll have to find something about him and link later - has of course fallen off the face of the planet. Which sucks only because I was really looking forward to some dick this past weekend. I'm sure it is for the best because there is a reason I cut him off the begin with. Best to enjoy him for a night than spend too much time and realize why the hell I wasn't talking to him anymore. It was just what I needed to carry me through the next few weeks until I get to GO HOME!!! YAY!!!!
I really can't wait. Like. F'real. Pharreally? Pharreal.
God, I need to see my peeps. Especially since the next time I see them will be after Milan. Must get in as much time as possible. I also need to set up a gig for next summer so I don't have to spend another hot ass bug-filled summer here. Learning to love the city, but really...I'd love it a lot more if I could skip the summers.
I get to see the folks tomorrow and work on getting my visa for the fall (everyone's fingers crossed that it's not a huge pain in my ass, please!) - can't wait for the cuddle time and lovefest.
Alright, officially taking procrastination to a whole new level. Time to pop a xanny and attempt to breathe. Why does speaking cause me rumbly tumbly? So annoying.

All sighs and smiles

Ladies...I come to you today a much happier woman.
Not that I was unhappy before. I've actually been quite content as of late. However, today I am constantly smiling. To myself. And can't stop. Even when I need to stop, like when the professor is looking at me and wondering what the hell my grin is about. Can't stop. Or when the FedEx guy says "Good morning" and I give him a ridiculous grin and giggle. GIGGLE.
Why, you ask?
Ah. It's so simple.
Last night, I finally let go of the idea that celibacy was good for me. I bid adieu to the notion that I was doing myself some kind of service by passing on the penis. Over the past year or so, I have let the judgment and attitude of others convince me that as women, we don't really NEED sex. That it was more natural to let my sometimes overwhelming needs come and go. That in doing without, I was doing myself some kind of service and becoming more of a woman in my ability to just say no.
What the fuck is that?
Just say Yes, people. Just say YES.
I am woman. I need sex.
(As a side note, if this doesn't ring true for you and you do not actually need sex, then God bless you. We don't have to understand each other but let's sidestep the ugly judgment of it all.)
The past month proved to me that sex is not something that I can ignore. Sometimes, the thought will pass (usually after I stop ovulating since I am, after all, supposed to be breeding or something) and I move on. I have my handydandy boyfriend, J.R., to get me through the tough times. This month however, my body would not be fooled. Instead, it recruited my brain.
I have been pushing sex out of said Brain with daily activity, television, school, whatever I could find. Body would try to remind Brain...constantly...but I maintained control.
And then the fuckers went into cahoots. Brain said FUCK YOU and started in with the sex dreams. And not mild ones. Vivid, ridiculously real sex dreams full of men I've known and sometimes outright strangers. Hot strangers. But strangers. Damn near every night for a month, Brain would tease Body with these dreams. And when Body woke up, she was PISSED.
Last night, I finally gave her a break. Today...I am giddy. I am relaxed, happy and smiling like a goshdamn FOOL.
And last night's dream? Could not begin to tell you. I think I slipped into a six hour coma.

Monthly (Fascinating) Update

Interesting that I choose to post when I have the most to do, isn't it?
I have no business being online but figure I'll get it out of my system and then head to the internet-less *bux to get my sheez done.
If anyone is a genius on the topic of Investment Theory and Practice, holla atcha girl. Because I'm effed.
Anyhoo, I wish I had something super interesting or fun to report but my days have consisted of class (yes, summer school - I am apparently trying to avoid returning to the working world forever), hitting the lake with my boyfriend (a dog - no, an actual dog I borrow from KO, he's better than any man), and trying to build up my endurance (or, you know, get any whatsoever) by doing the Couch to 5k plan. Thanks to Nic and her bomb ass podcasts, I'm getting my run on. Which I haven't done since...oh...2000? Once I was no longer required to arise at 5am by sadistic trainers and coaches, I boycotted running altogether. Well, I boycotted fitness in any form and abandoned my life as an athlete. So now I'm working on bringing back the athletic Meeks of yesteryear and it's been super fun. I still hate running and will most likely never be that girl who straps on the shoes for a quick jog, but this has been a great boost to my workout. I like the interval aspect of it. I'm also sore in places that just aren't tapped from walking or the elliptical. My knees are a tad upset with me, but with a little ice and a well-timed Ibuprofen, they are learning to cooperate. Sorta.
Anyway, that's what I've been doing. I've given up on men since I cannot seem to find anyone that is not a world class bitch. (Not counting Assface, of course, because we talk every day and have taken to jokingly referring to each other as Boyfriend and Girlfriend, in lieu of our names. Because we're hilarious. And needy. Sigh. Ah the crutch that is Assface...no time for that post right now...) A girl could really use some dick these days but I gotta tell you - the shit ain't worth what I've had to put up with from these mofos lately. Maybe if you stop fucking TALKING MY FACE OFF every time we get on the phone, I'll be more inclined to call you. But then again...not really, because you are so unbelievably annoying, I want to poke my eyes out when I'm with you. Why am I such a dude.
I have, of course, been keeping up with all my blog reading instead of school related reading so thanks for all the entertainment, folks!

Hindsight

This is going to come across as exceedingly juvenile and ridiculous but it has parallels in my life that I can't explain here. So think of me what you will but know that I'm speaking of others and am not addicted to People. Even though I used to have an Us Weekly subscrip. Damn I miss that. Wait, where was I?

Today TiVo caught an episode of Dawson's Creek from 1999. The contents of the episode are completely irrelevant but I found myself crying out (internally) to two actresses.
Obviously, I mentally warned Joey Potter about the alien loving midget she would encounter in five years but she didn't listen. You can't argue with aliens.
And then Jen came on the screen. Dear sweet Jen who every girl in my life hated when she first appeared because she was everything we weren't supposed to be. Sexual. Disillusioned. Realistic beyond her TV years.
I never really watched Dawson when it first aired but always found Joey sweet but super annoying. And I found Jen somewhat irritating but more my speed. Of course my high school persona was her complete opposite but since they were a few years behind, her rebellious character struck a chord with the whore I was in college.
Anyhoo, as the camera zoomed in on her precious, clean face of almost 10 years ago...I found myself warning her. That she was going to fall in love with a troubled man, that she would give birth to his child, and that she would be left to raise that child on nothing but memories of her father. Of course, Jen has films and characters to show her little girl but who knows what is left to depict the man she once loved.
As I watched her, I realized it wouldn't have mattered. Even if her teenage self could hear me, she wouldn't trade that love, that life, that child...for anything. Her ex's family would not have a living, breathing expression of his genetic inheritance to witness. And she wouldn't be able to physically grasp what was most likely her first love.
So here's to life in all of its uncertainty.